Anyone watch the L word last night? J. and I went a local bar that shows the episodes on the big screen every Sunday night. I think this is going to be a weekly date for us, so much fun to watch with a bunch of lesbians yelling at the screen! Gay girls take this show personally and rather seriously, it seems.

I loved last weeks episode – when Bette and Tina kissed you should have heard the place break out in cheers, and Alice and Tasha…be still, my beating heart. Unfortunately, this week was kind of lackluster. As J kept saying “too much talking, too much talking…why all the talking?”

As if we watch for the dialogue! Please.

Still, the whole pot brownie, lip syncing scene that ended with Dawn Dembo (LA’s fictional lesbian scene’s newest answer to the Wicked Witch of the West) yanking the cord out of the stereo and yelling Shane….now that was priceless.

“You messed with the wrong bitch, bitch!”

Aside from the sex scenes (which were actually rather uninspiring this week), lines like THAT would be why I watch the L word. I so want to find a real life situation where I can use that line. Seriously. Just to be cool like that. ‘Cause I could pull it off, I’m sure.

I could have done without the male full frontal shot. (wow, could I ever have done without that) and really, I could have definitely lived without watching Jenny having sex with ANYONE (who are they kidding with those nails. ouch). And what is with Dumbo’s ditsy girlfriend, with her fake boobs and one piece demin shortall jumpsuit? Not cute. Surely Shane can do better…

Still, the promise of more Tibette in the future, the way things are heating up with Tasha’s situation, and the fact that I’m very curious to see what happens with Adelle (she cannot be trusted, I predicted that from the beginning) means that there is still much to look forward to this season.

And, in news unrelated to the L word – there was a very, very attractive soft butch at the bar last night. She seemed to be a friend of A (my first kiss, think I will write more about her soon) and so I asked if she was single. Apparently A. has a big mouth, because she told her I was asking – and M (that would be the butch girl) asked A to arrange a hang out. My goodness, it seems my social calendar just might be filling up…

Nice!

I found this video today (on the girl’s myspace page – she added me as a friend - good sign, yes?) and had to share it. It seems rather cliché to say I saw the story of my life in the youtube version of a Shel Silverstein book, but I imagine that is part of the appeal– we can all recognize ourselves and our journeys in the simple line drawings and quietly powerful message.

The missing piece. That was me through my teens and twenties. Searching, seeking - always desperate to find the thing that would complete me. Not just in relationships, because that yearning didn’t go away with my marriage. Not just in my life passions, because it didn’t disappear when I discovered my birth work and photography. Not just in my need for friendships and community, for not even with the creation of those bonds did the constant feeling of seeking and searching ever totally relinquish the hold it had on me. I would often think I had found *it*, that magical piece that would quiet the yearning – and then I would get frustrated life changed (or I changed, or they changed) and things no longer fit quite right.

It’s only in the past six months, in discovering and owning MYSELF that I have found I am no longer looking for the missing piece. In finding the strength to say “This is who I am, and I’m finally willing to risk everything to live my life with authenticity.” Not by changing who I am, but by BECOMING myself.

I’m still very much in the “lift…pull…flop…” phase – but I can feel it now, that my edges are beginning to wear down. My journey is getting smoother, and I’m learning how to roll. On my own. I’m also learning that it’s okay if I want someone to roll with – a friend, a dance partner, a date, someone who might become something more at some undetermined point in the future. It’s even okay if I want to roll with a few pieces at the same time, or if I get different things from different pieces of my life. It’s okay, because this is all part of figuring out what shape I will ultimately take.

I don’t feel any longer like there is any one person or thing that will complete me – because I am learning, slowly but surely, that I complete myself. And that, my friends, feels very good indeed.