and I came across a slice of wisdom that said
‘you were never not going to be here’
and it was right
this was as inevitable as the tides
as the shift of seasons
as the cycle of life and death

my whole life I have been spiraling
toward this point
and I no more had a choice about reaching this
than I did about being born into this body
or craving the taste of dark chocolate melting liquid on my tongue
or having azure eyes that see more
than I can ever comprehend.

it seems so clear now.
i wonder how I didn’t always know.
but of course I always knew.
didn’t I?

i knew it somewhere
in my deepest depths
and hidden thoughts
and ignored dreams.

i knew that I would belong here
in the arms of a woman
softness against softness
nestled curve against curve
warmth against warmth
breath against breath
flowing endlessly together into the long, long night.

Yes.
it was as inevitable as night following day
as letters forming words
as the rising of the sun.
as the heady free fall of love
as the force of change itself

it was as if the universe exhaled and things slid into place
like the mechanism inside a lock when you find the right key.
and the way my muscles feel after a long massage
when the ache subsides and my body relaxes
and fills up it’s rightful space
and says yes
oh yes.
this is how I am meant to feel, to move, to exist.
this is how I am meant to be.
without tension or pretense or that nagging feeling that I should be someplace else.
or someone else.

just here.
just now.
just this.

yes.
it was inevitable.
i was never not going to be here.

there is much to
learn
and so far to go

and so I am steping
boldly
into this new life

boldy, yes
but not without fear
and certianly not
without grief

and there is pain

yes, there is pain
and there are days
when I am consumed by loss
and I want to pull the covers
of life
around my head
and sit in darkness
with my demons
instead of trying to escape
the knowledge
of what precious life
I have relenquished
to the wild ether

but there is hope
there must always be
hope
and there are days
when I spiral on hope
spiral to infinity and back again
with my breath
or her touch
or your words
or the sound of the raindrops hitting my window
as if life just goes on
or because life just goes on

And so I take a breath
and I breathe again
and again and again
filling my lungs and heart and soul
with hope
because my life depends on it

because the center
of life,
mine and yours,
is always breath

and each day I choose
to unwrap my battered
heart
one more time
and one more time again
and to hold it out
palms upturned
and I make a fragile offering
of my heart to the world.

and so I stand
as naked as I have ever
been
with my breath
and my heart
and my grief
and my loss
and my fear
and my pain
and my hope

and with myself

with so much less
but possibly so much more
than before

and I remind myself to take
just one step
and to breathe just one breath

and I think that maybe
just maybe

I can do this.